Robert I. Sutton, Stanford business professor, has a favorite word for the people we call bullies, creeps, egomaniacs, tormentors, or weasels. He likes ‘asshole’. For him, it best captures the fear and loathing he has for these people.
The man even has a test for spotting whether a person is acting like an asshole:
Test One: After talking to the alleged asshole, does the ‘target’ feel oppressed, humiliated, de-energized, or belittled by the person? In particular, does the target feel worse about him or herself?
Test Two: Does the alleged asshole aim his or her venom at people who are less powerful rather than at those people who are more powerful?
Chances are you know someone—or many people, if you’re unfortunate—who take pleasure in demeaning those around them, especially those less powerful. They’re no fun, especially at work. Sutton’s book, The No Asshole Rule, is an in-depth look at the ‘asshole’ problem in the workplace.
He rightly points out that people who insult and belittle in a loud and dramatic manner are much easier to spot. It’s the wily, two-faced backstabbers that are more difficult to stop.
This variety of asshole is smarter because they save their dirty work for moments when they can’t get caught. Or they do it in such a subtle and continuous way that it’s difficult to pin down and out their negative behavior. But whether loud or sneaky, both do the same amount of damage.
So, what exactly are the downsides of a workplace riddled with assholes?
According to numerous studies from the US, Europe, Australia, and Asia, a work environment that maintains this sort of behavior results in:
- Increased staff turnover
- Reduced work and life satisfaction
- Reduced commitment to the organization
- Reduced productivity
- Difficulty concentrating at work
- Heightened depression, anxiety and burnout
- Chronic fatigue
- Absenteeism
The impact is utterly devastating because assholes drain people of their energy and esteem. Consider that recent research shows that nasty interactions have five times the impact of a single positive one. The negative feelings leftover after an asshole encounter are enough to put anyone in a sour mood.
And there are other BIG problems:
- Goodbye talent. The best aren’t going to stick around. Simply put, highly talented people don’t want to waste their time in a negative work environment. They’ve got better things to do and they know it.
- “It wasn’t me.” The hallmark of an organization where swarms of assholes run rampant is that they’re permeated with fear, loathing and retaliation. In a fear-based workplace, employees constantly look over their shoulder trying to avoid the finger of blame. It becomes a culture of finger pointing, rather than trying to solve problems collaboratively. Energy is directed towards protecting oneself, not protecting or moving the organization forward.
- It’s going to cost you. Your resident asshole might be your top salesperson, but he or she is still going to cost you. Bottom line, they cost organizations money. Think about the time their managers spend ‘cleaning up’ after them, as well as the time spent by HR professionals and senior executives. There is the cost of recruiting and training new staff, and potentially even the legal costs for inside and outside counsel, if a situation erupts
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That’s perfect, you’ve hit the nail on the head in describing a bunch of people I work for. I’m going to print a copy of this and post it at work, probably get me fired! lol
I’ve learnt to get on with things and not worry about these sorts of people, just lift your chin and get on with things and be the best you can be… there will always be assholes, but have nothing on you apart from a few nasty words!
I call this type of person an ‘energy sucker’ because that is exactly what they do. They suck our energy, when allowed (think about that!!) and stir up the negative energy in any environment in which they inhabit, be it work, home or public.
Now if ya really want to lok at it.…..we are the assholes!.….either when we act out of our own ego…or permitt others to act upon us with theirs no matter what their supposed authority.……somtimes it can be put to bed with one or more group protest!!we dont work for or with assholes.….nomatter how much you think your gettin paid…or payin sombody.….money doent equeal tollerance for the asshole factor.…life is way too short.……anyway i just love to see folks workin out love for love ‚not in fear based love for money.…they never will have enough…and the lack of substance in their lives will always keep their ego driving them back to asshole behavior.….……lol.…i find the assholes the most fearfull.…and they are genberally thriving on the fear based individuals.….NO-FEAR…NO-ASSHOLES!!.…hummmmmmm.……so what does that tell ya when the asshole is on your last straw?…throw a big dose of love…with total confidence.…and dont let fear get a second thought.….….lol…funny…lol..that drives the asshole in all of us CRAZY!.…..you guys have a fun one!!…lol..and try not to eat any assholes today.…..grins…K.fred
My workplace had one of these. Note past tense.
For years I tried to diffuse this quality in him because some of the time he was a nice guy and all of the time he was an incredibly consciencious worker.
But it is so great to be able to focus on solutions rather than blame and to not replace people in that division every few months!
thank goodness i’m not alone i was begining to think i was on my own and this just about sums up half of my staff, now i realise why i’m drained every night,
(we’re going to show you how to deal with these people too!).
Excuse me…but maybe I missed something, but I don’t seem to think you indicated this solution. I only found you pointed out the destruction they cause. What about co workers dealing with these types and how do you deal with them if they are your boss?
Yes, the effects of these people can last for years. They can ruin lives. What a shame that society continues to tolerate this. I know, invariably, that it is a complicated issue and a lot of damage can be done before it is fully realised what a person/s is doing. It has a lot to do with self esteem. The less powerful people often have low self esteem which bullies realise and for some unfathomable reason seek to make that persons self esteem even worse rather than helping them build confidence. Don’t understand it, never will.
I’ve encountered this in my life. On July 9, 1997, I wrote a note to myself, to wit: ” I am through responding/reacting to a–holes forever.” When I stopped reacting/defending/engaging with these kinds of people, I felt a lot better and came under less attacks. So, I guess that someone like this feeds on the energy they can evoke from the person they attack. Unfortunately, some of these people (a–holes) have narcissistic personality disorder, and it is not as easy to disengage from people who exhibit the kind of behavior associated with this disorder, but there are techniques one can use.
What about when its the customers who are arseholes?
I come home every night drained of energy because I work on the “front line” for the Government in a welfare agency and the customers treat us workers quite badly at times. They even throw furniture, use filfthy lanuage and make verbal threats if they dont get what they want. There is a common misconception that all public servants are slack and are there to be abused for the customers slightest difficulty. I need my job due to financial committments and sometimes wonder if I will end up as agressive and abusive as them.
Me reading this was comopletely useless. I agree with one of the comments above. You have successfully pointed out how to spot a jerk, but failed to give positive feedback. That was the entire purpose, right??
Funny Girl
It seems as though this asshole theory is just another blame game. In the game (in any game)its us and them and boy are they wrong. I get to blame them for sucking and draining and tearing me down and then I don’t have to take responsibility ultimately for how I feel. In the end sayng no to assholes is the same as saying no to war, or drugs, or anything we don’t want. It creates a vibration that resonates with the undesirable thing and engages it in a struggle thus entangling one even more deeply with asshole energy. This article’s way of thinking will magnetize assholes to whomever buys in to its theory. Think about it every good guy has to have a bad guy in his life to play off of.
You’re right Matthew. I feel this way too. I don’t waste my thoughts on things that are negative or unwanted. But we thought this article would still resonate with a lot of people — especially those in workplaces where they have to deal with these sorts of characters.
There are alot of things you can write to help people understand whatever you want them to understand. As a professional article writer, please do not use profanity, or the “As****” word. It’s offensive, gross, infantile,and demonstrates a lack of higher personal moral standards. Good writing does not require profanity to make any point. Below it says that post comments will be edited or deleted for inappropriate content — hey ! wake up ! why don’t you edit your website for the same garbage !
I will not read, and will unsubscribe to any website willing to have that kind of content.
If you want to make the world a better place, start by cleaning up your own language.
For Alena and others, I went to our HR Dept. HAHA Where we met for the complaint. The result was we had to come up with a “positive steps forward plan”. The initial complaint went out the window, and all of a sudden it’s job performance… I always had fantastic reviews!! My positive steps forward plan was my letter of resignation! The best thing I ever did!! I just got the job of my “dreams” through positive manifesting. I just started using these techniques and it really has changed my life! By the way I ended up with a great letter of recomendation from the A**hole!! Good Luck!
I have one question, which I badly need answered. My ex is one of these A**HOLES that you described to the T. I took so much emotional abuse, far too long. I am now out of that negative relationship, but unfortunately have to deal with him concerning our daughter whom resides with him most of the time. He has now begun to abuse her verbally, ( the smaller person ) how in the world can I somehow address him about his anger & screaming without making it worse for her. If I mention anything he takes it out on her. I desperately need help on How do you deal with an A**HOLE when you have to do so. I have to figure out how to communicate with him without pushing the EXPLODE button.
HELP!!!
Juanita, We cannot change people — ever! However, we can change how we feel about them; how we react and how we treat them in return. I had so much trouble feeling good about my daughter’s choice of man. He was abusive and generally the last person on earth I would choose. I was upset for myself one day for getting angry with him after he had abused me and said hurtful, untrue things in front of my daughter.
I knew I was wrong in my thinking and so I asked (pick your preference: God, the Universe, angels, guides, etc.) for help to find a better way.
That night I dreamt about this young man. He was huddled under a thin blanket and reaching out to me. He was the saddest most pathetic thing you could possibly imagine!
When I woke I realised it was him… I realised also that I had seen his ‘true soul’s condition’. He was just DESPERATE to be loved! Now I send him love because I understand.
All this rubbish and name calling is ridiculous. It truly shifts the focus onto someone else and we can feel vindicated and good about ourselves. It somehow absolves us from taking responsibility for our own lives. People who behave badly have serious underlying problems and if we can’t help them we need to make changes and remove ourselves from the situation.
However, I do believe (and have proven) that we can change our attitude to others with help. Don’t go with the victim mentality. Take a positive stand and be a ‘man’ or ‘woman’ and take responsibility for your life away from God, the government, your boss, the economy, your parents, etc.
Your little girl needs you as a positive role model. You can do that. Have faith and do what you know is right no matter if the sky seems to be falling! In time she will see who you are and what you stand for. Don’t give up.
Wow, I read most of the posts on the A-Hole subject & for the most, I learned something.
Recently, I made a mistake of feeding negative energy to a well known Ass-Hole at work & instead of just staying away or just ignoring him, I got in trouble for NOTHING. Yeah some may say, well something must have happened to get a “WRITE-UP”, but if you worked at my job, that’s how stupid these people really are, you say something wrong to the wrong person & all hell breaks loose. I believe the position of power, mixed with an EGO the size of Montana & you get SUPER DICK-HEAD ASS-HOLE To Kill the Day!!!!!
Anyway, my solution is to be the most positive person that Ass-Hole knows, while continuing to work even harder & make them UPSET that I will NOT let there behavior get the best of me. I’m also going to just focus on work & if he tries to throw my focus off, I will treat him like a little bump in the road & keep going. Only strong people with good morals, intelligence & good work ethics will get those promotions, so I’m gonna do my very best.
Thanks for reading my ramble.
PEACE
Whilst I agree with Peg that name calling is infantile etc, it also catches your attention and you know precisely what is being discussed.
That said, I have known and also in the pasted worked with persons who would fit that description. On the whole they are self centred mindless bullies. My way of dealing with them is to be extremely polite & mild-mannered to the point of nausea. That always throws them off balance.
A close friend of my husband and his wife made my life a misery for almost 18 months with snide remarks and worse, until I could take no more and told my husband that he was free to met up with them for meals and party’s etc. but I would not. Even that did not satisfy them, to the point that one day the husband seeing me alone as I walked my dog stopped his car blocking my way and began shouting at me in the street, saying the most nasty of things. He’s last comment when he had run out of air was to demand why I hated him, to which I calmly replied that I did not hate him but simply did not like the persons I now knew him and his wife to be. All said calmly with a smile and never raising my voice I then walked around him and away with my dog. After which when ever we met unavoidably at other friends homes he would do his utmost to get my attention, I treated this with a polite distance as I would treat a stranger. Am quite certain that he had no idea what to do or say.
It may not always work but if they cannot bait you into being like them, ill mannered and rude they just don’t know what to do. The key is to ignore them politely and not allow them to get under you skin although I know that in a work place that’s hard to do.
Juanita, that must be so very hard for you. Are there no family members/priest who he listens too.? who may be of help. Try not to fuel his ego and anger. I know its easier said than done. You do not say how old your daughter is. Can you not get legal/social help of some kind.?
Wish you well.xxx