Hi everyone! It’s time for Part 16 in our 19-part FinerMinds series on Becoming Just Awesome. This week is all about commitment. More specifically, when to commit to something, when to de-commit and when to re-commit.

Let me explain. Many people have a commitment problem. People say they’re going to commit to something–losing 10 pounds, improving their relationship, finding a better job, going back to school, etc. But they so often fail to do it. They get half way and give up.

They fail for a number of reasons: They didn’t plan properly for their goal; they didn’t evaluate whether the goal was something they were truly ready to commit to; they got discouraged and gave in in the face of the obstacles that inevitably presented themselves.

Other people have a different commitment problem. They commit to everything–coaching little league, taking care of relatives, working out every morning, making a six figure salary–and end up utterly burning themselves out. From the outside these individuals might look like they ‘have it all’, but they’re often too tired to enjoy their ‘success’.

Let’s focus on COMMITMENT first. Commitment is something to be taken seriously. You should really think through the goals you want to commit to for the next year. It’s a process of analysis and selection.

Committing to 20 things is going to lead to failure (or exhaustion). Deciding on 4 or 5 goals that you’re ready to commit to is probably about the right number. And perhaps you just have one big goal that you’re going to go after with everything you’ve got – mind, body and spirit. Like starting your own business or building the family home. That’s fine too.

But when you select the goals you want to commit to you really have know that you’re going to do whatever it takes to achieve that goal. That’s the essence of commitment.

And commitment has a partner: vision. Vision–being able to experience what the end goal will be like–is a factor, along with commitment, that will keep you on track and motivated. It is vision plus commitment that leads to action–The Warrior’s Way, if you will. It is vision and commitment, the partners in your dream, that will propel you through the negative self-talk and the moments of severe discomfort and inconvenience.

So, now that I’ve emphasized the importance of commitment, I’m going to switch gears and talk about DE-COMMITMENT. I’m going to cover when it’s OK or necessary to let a commitment or a series of commitments go.

I’m going to use the example of Ed here. The biggest goal in Ed’s life was to give back in some way, help other people. Ed felt truly blessed because he was healthy, lived in a nice house, had a good job, and a loving family. Because Ed wanted to give back he committed to numerous volunteer activities: coaching soccer, working in soup kitchen, reading to the elderly, etc. Ed believed he was doing good work, but he didn’t feel entirely satisfied. He felt frazzled.

Ed ultimately ended up getting some external guidance to help him prioritize his life and commitments. Ed ended up de-committing from many of his commitments. He then found a new job working with an organization focused on poverty reduction where he was able to channel his passion for helping others (and make a good salary). Through de-committing Ed was able to make one large commitment that satisfied his primary objective of helping others, in addition to improving his quality of life.

Under certain circumstances, de-committing is the right course of action to take. It is especially OK when you have done some very deep soul searching and you’ve come to the conclusion that you no longer want the goal you’re going after. Why waste precious energy chasing after something you don’t want? It is also OK to de-commit from something when you realize you’re not chasing after this goal for yourself – you’re doing it for someone else. Very simple: your goals should be your own.

De-commitment is also important when you’re failing at your goal and this has the potential to impact another person. Maybe you don’t have the time, energy or resources to succeed in your commitment right now. That can happen. Just don’t string people along with false commitments. Muster up your courage, call them and formally de-commit from the promised commitment. While this might make you feel uncomfortable, it’s better in the long run. It lets the other person know where you stand and gives them the opportunity to solve the situation another way, sooner rather than later.

Now we’re onto the final concept: RE-COMMITMENT. Let’s say you once committed to a goal, whether it was exercising three times a week, quitting smoking or meditating every morning, but you weren’t able to succeed at that time. The important part to note is ‘at that time’. Sometimes life really does get in the way of commitments you were (and still are) passionate about.

If a former goal is still burning away inside you after months or years, it’s probably time to re-visit it. Do not throw your goals away. Heck, the most successful people in the world know this. Success is a process of pushing through failures until you get it right.

Now it’s time to ask yourself whether you really want to go after your goal. If you’re ready to charge at your goal again with a ‘whatever it takes’ attitude, by all means re-commit!

Reflection Exercise

This is a very simple exercise to help you assess and prioritize the commitments in your life.

On a piece of paper, write down:

1. Three new commitments
2. Three things you want to de-commit from
3. Three things you want to re-commit to

Please share your experiences with committing (or de-committing or re-committing!) to an important goal in your life.