Welcome back! In this instalment, Part 14, of our FinerMinds series on Becoming Just Awesome I’m going to cover the distinction between being a Warrior versus being a Victim.

The warrior path, according to T. Harv Eker, is about recognizing that you create every moment of your life–understanding that your choices create your reality and your responses create your outcome. Ultimately, it’s about being accountable and taking responsibility for your life. The warrior recognizes that what they’re facing in their life–good or bad–is a result of choices and responses they have control over.

Of course it’s much easier to throw up your hands and go “well, all the bad things in my life aren’t my fault.” Perhaps some of them aren’t. Sometimes life does throw you a curve ball. But it’s up to you how you process that situation. And, let’s be honest, there are times when people do attract negativity into to their lives through poor decisions and reactions.

Warriors live from strength; victims live from weakness.

For the warrior, the knowledge that people create their own reality is a deep source of strength and power. They recognize they can carve out a life of happiness, success and peace because it is theirs for the taking. For the weaker individual, the victim, this knowledge is a point of discomfort and fear. They simply don’t want to take responsibility for their lives.

Victims have three tactics to avoid responsibility: they blame, they justify and they complain.

These three methods of avoiding responsibility are like little pills that relieve the pain of failure for a while, but it only makes them feel better temporarily. Every time they blame, justify and complain they lose a little bit of their power.

T. Harv Eker goes so far as to call victims persecutors. By this he means these individuals unconsciously set up situations to get hurt or to fail and bring others into the problem. They actually engage in this maladaptive strategy to get attention. They want everyone focused on them and their issues. And the more bad things that happen to them, the better victims they are. As a baby, this type of behavior had a purpose. We got attention when we cried and fussed. But for some people this pattern of victim behavior becomes a bad habit.

Eker says we need to be wary of inviting ‘victims’ into our close circle of friends. They often have a set of minor (or major) disasters circling around them at any given time, which we would do well to steer clear of. And often their relationships are not erected on a foundation of mutual caring and respect. Mostly they want an audience for their constant string of catastrophes.

Right now you might be thinking, “Oh dear, sometimes I play the victim.” That’s OK. Recognizing that you do this is the first step. As I mentioned before, victim behavior is a bad habit. But like all habits it can be broken through perseverance and hard work.

The next step is to observe yourself. Identify a problem in your life and take a step back and ask: “How am I creating this?” and “What is my part in creating this outcome?” Go through the events, thoughts and emotions that led you to the point you’re currently at and acknowledge and take responsibility for your role in the outcome. The final part is to understand that you CAN change your present circumstances through how you think, believe or behave.

In the short video below Laura Silva of The Silva Life System passionately talks about how to “Take Responsibility for Your Living Experience.” The video touches upon how it is important for parents to teach their children this concept, but it’s nonetheless relevant for all of us, especially if we failed to learn this critical lesson in our youth!