Hani Khaursar
The other day while mingling at a dinner party, I met a man (letʼs call him Jim) who after a few moments of explaining how he had been traveling for a year, decided to tell me about his life back home. Jim was on his last leg of his travels and within a month he would be heading back home to get back into the ʻreal worldʼ to get a ʻrealʼ job that would ʻsuckʼ and leave all of this behind. He was complaining about how thereʼs nothing much back home because all his friends are now married and starting a family and essentially, there is no one left in his little ʻcommunityʼ.
I asked him why didn't he just get a job that he enjoys doing? The look on his face was that I must have been crazy. He said that doing something you like didn't happen in the ʻreal worldʼ. So I gave him a challenge. I told him that I knew someone who was looking to hire someone like him and all he had to do was to go to the web site and apply.
Hani Khaursar is a part of FinerMinds team, from a very young age she made a commitment to personal development and has kept to the promise. Nowadays she organizes meditation sessions, spends her time volunteering at an orphanage and is a prolific consumer of every new book in the personal development genre.
Anyway, to make a long story short, I never heard from Jim. The point Iʼm trying to make is that everyone has a story that theyʼre telling. For Jim, it was that the world was a crappy place where you do something you donʼt enjoy, go to the pub and hang out with your friends and complain about it. The problem was that everyone else who was telling the same story as Jim (his friends) decided that this story sucked and decided to tell another story (get married and start a family). So Jim was getting rather lonely telling the same story over and over. But even when I suggested a way out, he didnʼt take it.
Why?
Because people like telling their stories - even if their stories are making them unhappy and unfulfilled. They identify with their stories. It makes them feel like theyʼre a part of something, or that they stand for something, or that they are different from everyone else and if you take away their story, then who would they be? So rather than being nobody, they would rather keep telling a story thatʼs not serving them. Their fear of discovering what they could actually be stops them from moving forward.
Some of the stories people tell:
- Iʼm too busy. Iʼm always busy. I have no time.
- I was cheated on once before. Now all men are cheaters.
- I was abused when I was young, so now I canʼt accomplish anything in my life because of my dad / mum / brother / etc.
- I can never succeed in life. Itʼs just not possible for someone like me.
- You will never find a job you like.
- The ʻreal worldʼ sucks.
The list is endless. The stories people tell. Are you going to give away your personal power to someone else? Or are you going to say, “This is my life, and I decide how I should feel!”
How to stop telling your story
There is always a point in your life where you have a choice to feel one way or another, do one thing or another. Your ego will always want you to continue telling your story because it makes it feel secure and special.
Step One - Recognize youʼre telling a story
It is easier to point out the stories that other people are telling but a little bit harder to pinpoint the story you are telling. My story was that I was a very busy person. Multitasking was my middle name. It felt good when people thought I was some wonder woman for doing so many things. On the other hand, I hardly ever had enough sleep, I was often stressed and in the end I realized I wasnʼt actually accomplishing as much as I thought I was.
Step Two: Set an Intent
So I decided I would change the story. Now this might seem like itʼs too easy, but the way I changed the story was just to intend,
“Iʼm not telling this story anymore. I do not have to do so many things at once!”
At first it was a little scary, because my ego really liked being that wonder woman. It felt special, different and better than everyone else. What if I stopped telling this story? Then, why that would make me... ordinary!
Well, I didnʼt care! I made the intention anyway! You know when someone is playing a prank? Itʼs only funny till the person knows heʼs being played. Itʼs the same here. As soon as you realize youʼre telling a ʻstoryʼ and decide you want to change it, itʼs game over. Changes can take place almost immediately. Why donʼt you look at your life and see what stories youʼre telling yourself. Do you have the courage to change them?
Step Three: What now?
So what do you do now since youʼve recognized your story and decided to stop telling them?
Start talking about your visions!
What you thought for so long to be ʻyour storyʼ was something you could change in an instant. So start creating a new vision for yourself.
Stop hanging out with people who continuously tell the same unhappy story. You do not need this in your life anymore. Slowly, you will find that you are attracting different people in your life, people who support the new visions you have started telling.
- I can find a job that I will enjoy doing, that inspires me and that pays me well.
- I can speak in public.
- The people I meet are always great people.
- The world is a great place!
- (Your vision here)
You can create whatever you want. You just have to decide to stop telling stories and start talking visions!
What is your next step?
Dear Hani,
It is great reading. Very timely, as I am about to present a great idea tomorrow that is very very practicable. My audience is my new boss. He has a very pleasant personality and an open mind. I am confident to make my point so the company will benefit. It is about Operational Business Intelligence as against traditional business intelligence [BI] presented by the data warehousing solutions. Your article tells exactly the difference between BI that tells a story about what happened yesterday or last week or last year etc. OBI tells you what is happening now and what you can do now to change the story that you will read tomorrow.
Thank you Honey, for letting me "stumble over" your thoughts. To me it appears that you wrote it actually and specially for me.
With best regards, Salah
Great article and soooooo true! Why do we feel so compelled to tell those stories anyway?
I agree!!! It takes courage to actually do something out of what people are very used to do, which is, just as how you've put it here-"telling their stories"...now your making me think-what is my story? Lol!
Thank you for your sharing!!! Looking forward to read more of your articles...
Right on. Focus where you want to be and be there all the time. Telling "stories" places a person in their past, destined to repeat, or so focused on the story, cannot see the present or the future.
"Being" present is where the action is!
Beautiful writing - thank you for that reminder.
The stories give our ego's some food to keep them alive.
Whether the stories are good or bad, they are not really who we are. They just keep us lost in time, be it future or past so we can't just slow down, breathe, and enjoy the moment, which is free of stories.
what ever you said was very ture...I wish i could follow this but i see my self repeating the same old story again and agian. i wish i could make it more operational. But i see my self stuck in the rut of repeating my old story. not being able to stick to my thoughts is becoming a big problem form me. no able to form clear idea... i feeling of loosing my self drives me crazy...
Thank you and I find that I am story teller of muti tasking and I realize now what I am doing.
1. Thank you so much to tell so nicely a life's strategy, to improve ones life.
2. May God bless your efforts to help more people to find their path in the journey of life.
3. I appreciate your "service"
Ok...Right here and right now I give up my current story of the last 2 1/2 years. My life did not get shot to hell because of my relationship with my man. I used that as an excuse to spiral downward for fear of trying and fear of failure. It was easier to blame it on him. Sure, he could have made some better choices and yes, those choices affected our relationship, but he did not destroy my life. I did.
I have been stuck there focusing on the past for all of this time, blaming him and never allowing him to live it down thus detroying us along with myself. Yep, it was me. I did it. I admit it to the whole internet community.
I am finished telling my story about how my man hurt me SOOOOOOO bad that I couldn't do anything because I was SO depressed. I couldn't focus on my work anymore because I couldn't be creative and therefore now my money is messed up and everything is messed up (because I am in business for myself) all a "story" and yep, the outer reality will keep on backing you up with supporting evidence. Don't you know he kept on doing what he was doing because I kept it alive (really, big secret, the past really is the past ladies and gents unless you want it to be your present and future...better to just let it go). So, yep, the universe continued to support my thoughts about my "story" and everything got worse and worse and worse and worse until I hit rock bottom.
I renounce the "I am broke" story and I am not overwhelmed and stressed out trying to play catch up.
My new story is I have everything that I need and I am not scared anymore. I am focused, dilligent and precise.
I guess that is my step 3 ( ;
Just kind of evolved.
WOW !!
I hope this inspires someone one day so that they can save a lot of valueable time. Life is too short here to be living a story that isn't true because you are scared to live and you don't want to die with regrets.
Deep.
Love Always
( ;
This is the CREATIVE FORCE of the UNIVERSE at work.
The "I AM" factor. Whatever we are conscious of being, we will BE!
That "I AM" is the name of the lord, is not co-incidental. And that there is a commandment in the Bible that admonishes invoking the name of G_D in vain.
So do it with purpose. Whenever you say (or think) the words, "I am..." be purposeful with whatever comes out of your mouth (or mind) next.
It will cause the creative force of the Universe to start working to create whatever you invoke.
"As a man thinketh, so shall he be."
PEACE
Splash
Believe in Magic!
well done Sunny!!! Your life is surely on the turn around.
Hani, thank you for your article; it's so true that we can see other people's stories with clarity and yet our own might surprise us. Self analysis is often difficult and painful but neccessary to move forward and onto better, bigger things
hi your thoughts are very interesting and can easily be describing most of us at present or at sometime in our lives.I realised this to some degree a while ago and changed my story. I found a job I liked doing. I took the art course I was dreaming about.I found new ways to express myself. and the result is I'm feeling more fulfilled in many ways. and your message is a reminder to keep going in creating new things for ourselves and not get stuck in our present circumstance or story. Thankyou for your comments and reminder.
Salah: You're welcome, maybe I did write it for you
Sp: Perhaps if you take the one minute coach test in our finerminds exclusive content, it would help. Self coaching is a good way discovering things about yourself and setting and achieving goals.
Sunny: Congratulations! I'm glad you're talking visions now
I cannot see anywhere in the article where you allow for people whose "stories" demonstrate that they are already living their visions.
People who describe their situation in positive terms, are happy with what they are doing and when it comes to "telling their story" relate tales of laughter, happiness, fulfillment and purpose.
I for one do not want to give up my stories!
I really like the idea of talking about where you are going. I realized I made that choice about six months ago when I decided that I was being affected by my husbands constant negativity and no longer was going to fight with him about it. My life was great and I was going to make it better and help others to do the same.
I have a wonderful life and it only gets better and better. Everyday I look for the next positive thing I can do for myself and others. My vision/passion is to use all my talents and skills to improve the lives of others everyday.
Actually it's true that the ego refuses to let go of the same old stories, it's true they keep you trapped in the past, those stories almost killed me.
Once you realise that its your ego that's destructive the sooner you can take control and move on.
If you have had bad things that have happened to you and you can't let go then you will stay there because you choose too.
If you have had a great life and have good stories to tell then thats ok to keep those stories because they will propel you to a better life than is already there. We all like stories, especially our own, but turn away from the bad ones, and use the good ones to make progress. I have learned this from The Secret.
Wish l had known how it worked years ago.
All the best Hani for bringing it into focus more and hope you manage to reach more people that need this kind of help.
Angela (UK)
Geoff,
Hani's article is a story.
Wheeeeeeee My baby girl can write such mature stuff of the healing kind1 whoa im impressed. way to go hani ! Think I should hire you as our online Counsellor in our school .Congrats for a great piece of writing . Keep it up baby!
happy and proud - Aunty rani
I would like to state that this is a wonderfull and inspiring
article. I will go ahead and drop my old story and create
my new wonderful life
Love to all
Bless U
Heidi J Poet the Fishermans daughter (denmark)
A wise man said "we spend our years as tale that is told!
Succinctly written. The problem is we do not realize that we tell our story whether we are aware of it or not. My confidence is that my story is unfolding more positively than ever and that the final chapter (which is yet to be written, will more than justify the the tears of wasted years.
Now IS the day of salvation, now is the accepted time !
I am a slow learner, but if the laws of the Universe are true,(and they are) I am about to witness a tsunami of manifestations.
A good read... And all too true... Well done.
Wisdom Is More Valuable Than Wealth - holy bible
Wisdom to me means imagination, the subconscious is "an endless museum of inventions". This Blocking makes poverty a lottery winner to millions who win it.
Ask And You Shall Receive - holy bible
By asking the Rich and Famous for help, a small donation to kickstart an idea would mean the difference between kickstarting the economy and a 'black hole' recession
Hani,
Seems like this article is good for me, stop telling stories, and
start my vision. Thanks and more power to you.
Dear SP:
If I may SP....Do you see you may be telling a story about
"telling a story over and over again"?
And when you "see" yourself doing that and "see" yourself stuck in a rut,you may be visioning your past into your future.I've done that and then things repeat (same story!).As she mentions,create a new vision for yourself."See" yourself doing things differently.
Thank you for being open and helping to bring her point home.
I humbly offer this and hope it contributes.Go easy on yourself and start telling a new,empowering story.Good luck.
My vision is success in my business, have a beautiful family, and be healthy. Thank you for you article!
Somone needs to listen to Joel Osteen on Sunday mornings. He's very uplifting, and its reality. He has written some good books also. He teaches a very postive message.
WOW, Thanks for this little gem. and fantastic timing! I noticed I was telling a story- and in the middle of 2 court cases involving money and relocation to another country with the EX. I was so sick of the story and decided to not talk about it anymore- I even talked to a hypnotist to see if he could shut me up!!, and he had never heard of a request like that before .But sure he would take my money off me to try it. I had another and cheaper idea. I got 2 rubber bands and put the on each wrist and whenever I said anything negative about my situation or even boss I would pull the rubber band back- (not very far I must admit) snap it against my wrist. It works for swearing also- I notice I stop and think before I talk and censor what I say- I even spoke out aloud in public my dream job- which until this week had only ever been a dream and this week went up on my vision board.
I feel better already- knowing that better life stories are on their way and positive people coming into my life for the better and to live my vision, because I am making it my new positive story.
very inspiring and motivating. keep up the good work. God bless!!!
I think it's great to multi tasks I love being a individual and i love supporting people who have the courage to be all that they can be,Yes it is my story, but do i want to trade it for another less interesting story? is the question, I guess parts of my story need adjustment, I do understand how you meant it and i don't get enough sleep,part of my story. This article has made me aware of the negative aspects of my story, I will have a inner look and observe myself more closely now. Thankyou
You have layed out a road that travels along with "The Work".
In the process of "The Work" i believe asking "who would I be without this Story" is answered that the "I" would be POTENTIAL. Some live too much off potenial and thus from feeding of such thoughts become hesitant (paralysis through analysis) and in fact choose no story and yet find that in so doing, they become the story of "No Story"
A state of inhertia is created from the "I" becomming mesmerized in contemplating the POTENTIAL of ...................etc.
It it here that the "I" lives in bliss, unaware of the stories which set in on the projected material mind in all it's tapestries.
So BE .... and step in through choice and action to another space coaster. Better yet make it the great space coaster get on board.
No Gnews is Good Gnews Right.
No Gstory is Bad Gstory though.
hey who said change your story change your life?
Agree,
I started to feel that my story of 2years -my husband's midlife crisis, Chineese girl, abandoned abroad with my daughter without resources, homeless, hungry, suicidal, no way out....become so old and even to my friends too tiring and depressing.Time to start gain some energy for better happy scenario - life could bring some surprises, who knows.Thanks for support.
Fantastic artical, so perfect it has to be true. Thank You
Quite the synchronicity to come across this article today, as this is what I've been playing with and officially made resolutions about yesterday. I've made a choice to divest myself of all of my stories, recreate myself in each moment and here are some of the bullet points I'm adhering to:
-No discussing or reminiscing about anything other than the immediate past (like, an hour ago or yesterday at work if it's pertinent)
-No criticizing, no complaining, no arguing, period.
-No fantasizing about the future. If I want to change I focus on how to take steps towards a goal right now. If I don't have the desire to take any steps, I'm obviously not enthralled enough by it and should move on to something I am.
-Tell the truth at all times within reason and tact, or remain silent.
It's incredibly fun and challenging to live this way and makes you realize what an enormous percentage of regular conversation is focused on gripes, complaints, I can'ts and talking about "that one time" or "back when things were better". The funny thing is, most people are selectively editing and weren't any happier "back then" either! Anyway, I feel a great lightness in living this way and will gladly deal with the sometimes, um, stilted convos. LOL!
At any rate, great article, wonderful elucidation of the concept. I will certainly come back to it any time I need a reminder...
Hani,
Wow, a real eye-opener. Funny thing: it seems your article is confirming some "vision" stuff going on now in my life. A "new"
girlfriend has helped me to see my vision but it seems some residual "negative thinking" has been hanging around. I'm stopping that NOW! Thank you for helping me to see the stories I've been telling that are unproductive and unhealthy. Good things to come!
I cannot completely agee with this. The world is NOT a great place. We have many problems. They need addressing and solving. To do this we need to understand our human nature.
You are attempting to do this but it is incomplete.
Too often people will assume a person is "negative" because they are focusing on a negative issue with great passion. These people have brought about some necessary changes through out history.
Recent decades, We have MADD: Mothers Against Drunk Driving. One woman who has alerted for years the problem of lice on smolts from salmon farms. Advances in human rights have been won by people will to tell their stories.The sharing of these stories together was the active ingredient for change.Every first year sociology class introduces the concept of anomie.Life can suck when a person feels alone and alienated. AA relies on the sharing of stories and an alcoholic will never let go of the story that he/she is an alcolic. If they did, one drink could destroy years of work.
I know that your intent is good but my experience is that blanket stateents can be harmful.
I agreed to your presentation and words, but I disagreed if stories withour final vision.
Good article! one should believe in action not only in talking and story telling. Although telling of the success stories is present days trend and it is also good for the knowledge of unknown seems to be known.
Good article! one should believe in action not only in talking and story telling. Although telling of the success stories is present days trend and it is also good for the knowledge of unknown seems to be known.We should enjoy every moment of our life with the creative doings.