On a scale of 1 to 10 how easily would you say you relate to people? Are you the type that builds a rapport within minutes or are you someone who can spend years getting to know someone?

Most people are probably part of the latter group and to be quite honest I’m still in that group. And it’s not necessarily a bad thing. As humans we have a number of fears. Rejection, pain, mistrust. All of these factors lead us to be cautious of who we let into our lives.

Unfortunately, this isn’t the best mindset to have. Yes, it appears to be very practical but what if we let all those fears go. Can you imagine what meeting people for the first time would be like?

The reason why I’m bringing this up is because of this great article I found from StevePavlina.com where Steve talks about the change in mindset he underwent and the immediate benefits he found in his relationships. By opening yourself up (yes, you will have to be a little vulnerable), you are allowing a connection with humanity that is so much deeper and meaningful.

So check out the article below and let me know what you think. Is a careful, cautious mindset better or an open, trusting one?

Soulful Relationships

By Steve Pavlina

What determines the quality and quantity of your personal relationships?  I think the #1 factor is your mindset towards relationships.  There are many ways to frame the role of relationships in your life, and some options are more empowering than others.  Look at relationships one way, and you’ll find it difficult to relate to others.  But change your mindset in a certain way, and you’ll find yourself attracting compatible people with relative ease.

In this article I’ll share with you a mindset shift that significantly improved my personal relationships, including my marriage, friendships, and even everyday encounters with total strangers.  I’ll say up front that this was not an easy shift for me to make, but the results have been well worth the effort.

The mindset of disempowered relationships

First, let’s consider the basic objective mindset about relationships.  This mindset assumes that other people are separate and distinct from you, and you communicate with them through words, voice, and body language.

Here are some facets of the objective relationship framework:

• Separation - Other people have their own thoughts which are separate and distinct from yours.
• Risk of rejection — Human relationships are both imprecise and risky because you never know for certain what other people are thinking.
• Potential resistance – It takes courage to approach a stranger; you never know what kind of resistance you may meet when you try to initiate a conversation with someone you don’t know.
• Trust takes time — Relationships are built on communication, trust, and familiarity, which takes time to build.
• Bonding takes time — You feel closer to people you know and more distant from people you don’t know.  Total strangers are the biggest risk of all; the less you know about a person, the less certain you are of your mutual relationship prospects.
• Risk of attachment – There’s a risk of becoming attached to destructive or abusive relationships (or simply those that no longer serve you) because you’ve invested so much time and energy in building them.

This is the basic relationship framework that most people identify with.  It’s so common we could call it “common sense.”

However, I consider this a disempowering mindset, not because it’s so terrible — it is fairly functional — but because there’s a more empowering alternative.  I spent most of my life using this framework, and I got average results with it.  I had fun spending time with friends, and I didn’t suffer from undue loneliness, but I never had close relationships with friends who’d encourage me to live up to my true potential or who’d allow me to do the same with them.  It was sort of an unspoken rule that you didn’t talk about things like mission, purpose, or service to the greater good.  Such topics were the domain of saints and historical figures, not ordinary people with bills to pay.

A chance encounter

One day I had a chance encounter with a peculiar woman.  I call it a chance encounter because our meeting was the result of an odd synchronicity.  During one of our first conversations together, I practically bared my soul to her.  She learned more about the real me in a single conversation than my other friends learned in years.  At the time I didn’t know why I felt open to discuss such things with her — I just felt safe with her, and I could tell she wasn’t judging me for being who I was.  We became close friends almost immediately.  I’d never had such a deep emotional bond with another person occur so quickly before.

As I got to see this woman interacting with others, I noticed how ridiculously easy it was for her to relate to people, whether in person, online, or on the phone.  Total strangers would just open up to her and tell her their darkest secrets in the first 10 minutes of conversation – I could scarcely believe it.  I had to ask this woman how she did it, and she explained that it was the result of a particular mindset she had about people.

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