Robert I. Sutton, Stanford business professor, has a favorite word for the people we call bullies, creeps, egomaniacs, tormentors, or weasels. He likes ‘asshole’. For him, it best captures the fear and loathing he has for these people.

The man even has a test for spotting whether a person is acting like an asshole:

Test One: After talking to the alleged asshole, does the ‘target’ feel oppressed, humiliated, de-energized, or belittled by the person? In particular, does the target feel worse about him or herself?

Test Two: Does the alleged asshole aim his or her venom at people who are less powerful rather than at those people who are more powerful?

Chances are you know someone—or many people, if you’re unfortunate—who take pleasure in demeaning those around them, especially those less powerful. They’re no fun, especially at work. Sutton’s book, The No Asshole Rule, is an in-depth look at the ‘asshole’ problem in the workplace.

He rightly points out that people who insult and belittle in a loud and dramatic manner are much easier to spot. It’s the wily, two-faced backstabbers that are more difficult to stop.

This variety of asshole is smarter because they save their dirty work for moments when they can’t get caught. Or they do it in such a subtle and continuous way that it’s difficult to pin down and out their negative behavior. But whether loud or sneaky, both do the same amount of damage.

So, what exactly are the downsides of a workplace riddled with assholes?

According to numerous studies from the US, Europe, Australia, and Asia, a work environment that maintains this sort of behavior results in:

• Increased staff turnover
• Reduced work and life satisfaction
• Reduced commitment to the organization
• Reduced productivity
• Difficulty concentrating at work
• Heightened depression, anxiety and burnout
• Chronic fatigue
• Absenteeism

The impact is utterly devastating because assholes drain people of their energy and esteem. Consider that recent research shows that nasty interactions have five times the impact of a single positive one. The negative feelings leftover after an asshole encounter are enough to put anyone in a sour mood.

And there are other BIG problems:

1. Goodbye talent. The best aren’t going to stick around. Simply put, highly talented people don’t want to waste their time in a negative work environment. They’ve got better things to do and they know it.
2. "It wasn’t me." The hallmark of an organization where swarms of assholes run rampant is that they’re permeated with fear, loathing and retaliation. In a fear-based workplace, employees constantly look over their shoulder trying to avoid the finger of blame. It becomes a culture of finger pointing, rather than trying to solve problems collaboratively. Energy is directed towards protecting oneself, not protecting or moving the organization forward.
3. It’s going to cost you. Your resident asshole might be your top salesperson, but he or she is still going to cost you. Bottom line, they cost organizations money. Think about the time their managers spend ‘cleaning up’ after them, as well as the time spent by HR professionals and senior executives. There is the cost of recruiting and training new staff, and potentially even the legal costs for inside and outside counsel, if a situation erupts

For an Olympic athlete, it all comes down to delivering the best performance—hopefully, the best in the world—at this one event. To get the edge and handle the pressure, athletes increasingly rely on visualization techniques as a part of their regular training program. Fortunately, the same visualization techniques used by elite athletes are just as important for you—to help you succeed at work, conquer your fears and master social situations.

One of the key techniques used by sports psychologists is visualization. Broadly speaking, visualization is the process of creating a mental image or intention of what you want to happen or feel. An athlete can use this technique to ‘intend’ an outcome of an event. When visualizing a scene, the athlete ‘steps into’ that feeling and moment. He or she imagines the details of the event and how it feels to deliver a perfect performance.

Often these scenarios involve multiple senses and emotions: kinesthetic (the body springing into action); auditory (cheering from the crowd); visual (images of the event location); or emotions and feelings (a sense of confidence or feeling calm). Through repeat visualization, minds and bodies actually become trained to perform the imagined skill.

Visualization works because in certain states of consciousness the brain doesn’t discern between a vividly imagined event and a real event. During visualization, the information entered in the visual system is processed and stored for later retrieval, indicating a possible influence of memory over the desired effects.

Sports coaches advocate visualization because it induces a calming effect in the face of anxiety-inducing competition, so the player is neither without decision-making skills nor concentration. It builds both experience and confidence in an athlete’s ability to perform under pressure; and it increases the athlete’s sense of complete control over a successful performance.

But visualization is not just for athletes: it’s for all of us.

Visualization has the potential to help anyone who wants positive change in their life. It has helped thousands of people excel in their work and social life, as well as overcome serious afflictions such as disease and addiction. Visualization is a remarkable tool for those interested in advancing in all facets of their life.

According to Harvard-trained psychologist Dr. Stephen J. Kraus, author of Psychological Foundations of Success, the reasons visualization enhances psychology are actually quite practical and pragmatic:

1. Visualization Enhances Confidence. Research in positive psychology shows that simply thinking about an event makes it more likely to happen. When you think about an event, you start to construct mental scenarios of how it might occur and (most importantly) how it might happen. The outcome of this is greater confidence, and personal improvement occurs via a ‘self-fulfilling prophecy’.
2. Visualization Boosts Motivation. Visualization motivates you, making personal development more effective. As your future dreams seem more likely, you become more motivated to initiate and sustain action. Visualization is anything but boring—it engages your thoughts, emotions and senses—and generates authentic excitement that motivates personal growth.
3. Visualizing is a Form of Practice. Practice is the most important reason visualization enhances success, but it is frequently overlooked by personal improvement books. Like any kind of practice, regular visualization makes you more skilled and successful when it comes to actually engaging in that behavior.

How much time do you spend with your partner? Really think about it. (Please note: the time you spend side-by-side spaced out on the couch watching TV doesn’t count.) I’m talking about quality one-on-one time spent talking to each other, being affectionate and enjoying recreational activities. Time where you and your partner are actively engaged in fulfilling each other’s emotional needs.

For most married couples, it’s probably just a few hours a week, if that. Now go back in time to when you and your significant other were first dating. Chances are you spent about 15 hours a week basking in each other’s undivided attention, and it felt fantastic!

What happened? It’s a matter of priorities. Your relationship—nurturing the bond that you and your partner share—slipped a bit (or maybe a lot). For many, work, finances and kids moved to the top of the list. The problem is that when you neglect your relationship, you drift apart. This drifting leaves room for negative feelings and emotions to creep in: loneliness, resentment, apathy, anger, even falling out of love.

Acclaimed clinical psychologist Willard F. Harley, Jr. talks about the ‘promise of time’. He emphasizes this concept with couples about to enter into marriage, but it’s relevant for all couples, no matter how long you’ve been together. It’s basically the promise of spending time together each week giving one another quality, undivided attention.

In his clinical practice, Dr. Harley’s first assignment for many couples trying to rebuild their relationship is the exercise of giving each other 15 hours of undivided attention for one week. Fifteen hours! He’s had many couples try to convince him that this just isn’t possible, mostly because it seems totally impractical. But, in the end, couples usually agree that without time they’re never going to re-create the love they once had for each other.

To really make time for one another, Dr. Harley advises that couples follow The Policy of Undivided Attention.

There are THREE PARTS to The Policy of Undivided Attention:

1. Privacy. The time you spend in each other’s company should not include children, relatives or friends. Privacy is paramount because it allows you to give each other, and your relationship, your full, undivided attention. This might be difficult, but it’s necessary. The presence of others (and especially children), while wonderful, interferes with affection and intimate conversation.
2. Objectives. During the time you are together, try to meet the emotional needs of affection, sexual fulfillment, intimate conversation, and recreational companionship. This isn’t an easy task. Obviously, each person is different, but evidence shows that romance for husbands tends to be sex and recreation, whereas for the majority of wives, they find affection and intimate conversation romantic.Dr. Harley’s advice is to try to do all of these things when spending time together. This is a tall order, so it’s important to talk openly with your partner about one another’s emotional needs. Confusion often arises when one person assumes their needs are the same as their partner’s. This can lead to frustration, anger and feeling misunderstood. Only through open dialogue can you learn about your partner’s needs and how to fulfill them and vice versa.
3. Amount. The number of hours spent together should reflect the quality of your marriage. If your marriage is satisfying to both of you, 15 hours of undivided time together is probably enough. If your marriage is less than satisfying should you spend more or less time together? The answer is you should spend even more time together.

Even Dr. Harley admits that it is difficult to motivate unhappy couples to spend more than 15 hours together (or even one hour together!). Mostly because these are couples that are no longer in love, and the relationship doesn’t do anything for them. This being said, he has found that if both parties are committed to the relationship, and put in the time to fulfill one another’s emotional needs for a while, they actually end up wanting to spend 15 hours or more together each week. They end up back in love.

Life is One Big Habit. Today, you’re more or less doing the same thing you did yesterday, the day before and every day for the last year. Studies reveal that as much as 45% of what we do every day is habitual. Most of us are performing the same actions almost without thinking in the same location or at the same time each day, usually because of subtle cues.

When we think of the word ‘habit’ our minds tend to jump to less savory patterns of behavior: nail biting, teeth grinding, compulsive e-mail checking, watching excessive amounts of TV. But habits need not be bad. In fact, creating good habits is essential to success. The adoption of certain habits such as exercise, healthy eating and meditation can be transformational.

The Nature of Habits. Through experiment and observation, social scientists have learned there is power in tying certain behaviors to habitual cues. For example, the impulse to check your e-mail or reach for the bag of potato chips is likely a habit with a specific prompt.

Researchers found that most cues fall into four broad categories: a specific location or time of day, a certain series of actions, particular moods, or the company of specific people. The potato chip urge, for example, probably happens after you’ve come home from work, perhaps had a bad day and are watching TV.

Dr. Wood, a professor of psychology and neuroscience at Duke, studied exercise habits among students who transferred from one college to another. When the locations remained similar – the new school had an outdoor track just like the old, for example – students continued running regularly. But if the tracks were too different, their exercise routine more often than not tapered off.

In another experiment, where researchers were studying smokers, those wanting to quit were more than twice as successful if they started kicking the habit on vacation, when they were in a different context, away from people and places that act as triggers.

According to Dr. Wood, “Habits are formed when the memory associates specific actions with specific places or moods. If you regularly eat chips while sitting on the couch, after a while, seeing the couch will automatically prompt you to reach for the Doritos. These associations are sometimes so strong that you have to replace the couch with a wooden chair for a diet to succeed.”

Habits, whether good or bad, make us who we are.

The key is controlling them. If you understand how habits work, you can use this knowledge to create good habits, and this can be life changing.

Here are a few tips inspired by Scott Young to help you create good habits:

1. One Habit for 30 Days. Try focusing on one change you want to make for 30 days. Thirty days is roughly the amount of time it takes for a behavior to be conditioned, to become a habit.
2. Replace Lost Needs. You can’t stop habits without replacing the needs they fulfill. For example, cutting down on TV probably means you’ll need to find a new way to relax and get information. In this case, you could try going for a walk and then reading the newspaper. But make sure you’re not substituting one bad habit for another, like quitting smoking only to overeat.
3. Avoid Bad Habit Triggers. As much as you can, try to avoid triggers that you associate with your bad habits. And if you’re trying to create good habits, you can use the trigger effect to your advantage. For example, buy a smoothie maker and have it sitting on your countertop to help trigger you to make a healthy breakfast shake every morning.
4. Balance Feedback. The different between long-term change and giving up on day 31 is the balance of feedback. If your change creates more pain in your life than joy, it’s going to be hard to stick to. Find diets, exercise routines, financial plans, and work routines that are going to work for you in the long run.
5. Get Leverage. Give a friend one hundred dollars with the condition to return it to you only when you’ve completed 30 days without fail. Make a public commitment to everyone you know that you’re going to stick with it. Also offer yourself a reward if you make it a month (and every month you stick to it).
6. Keep it Simple. Your change should involve one or two rules, not a dozen. Exercising three times per week for at least 40 minutes is easy to follow. Designing an elaborate exercise routine of yoga, rocking climbing and swimming on specific days of the week is complicated. Complexity is a headache and you could be setting yourself up for failure if other things come up, like travel, meetings, etc.
7. One habit at a time. Don’t try to change everything all in one go. This is just too much pressure. Introduce one habit and work on this until it becomes automatic and then move onto the next habit. Successfully introducing one habit gives you the confidence to move on to the next one.
8. Consistency is Key. The point of a habit is that it doesn’t require thought. Make sure your habit is as consistent as possible and is repeated every day for 30 days. This will ensure that your habit is properly conditioned.